Judging Someone Else

We all do it from time to time – judge others. It’s like it’s written in our DNA, like a survival instinct or something. We are all guilty when it comes to judging others. When you judge another person you’re actually judging yourself. Every time you place an evaluation on someone’s characteristics or weaknesses you’re actually placing an evaluation on yourself about the very same thing. For example: if you see someone who has large hips or a receding hairline there’s a good chance you’re self-conscious about that very thing. Judgement is used to make yourself feel better about yourself. That’s it. It has no other reasoning in our lives.

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Those who dish out the most negativity; those who are the most judge- mental. And those who make the nastiest comments about others are usually extremely unhappy people. So, when you place judgement on another person that means you’re dissatisfied with yourself. Yes, we all give a quick judgments here and there, but if you see yourself consistently judging others there’s reason to look within instead of constantly seeing the weakness in others. Judging others serves no purpose other than a distraction to your own fears about yourself.

The Truth About Life – Kerry Girling

 

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If you can’t find a way, make one

Inner belief and conviction creates resilience. Self belief carries the creative through troubled times. It is a shield from the negativity of others.

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The creative person’s refusal to compromise can make them unpopular, but the important thing is to create at all costs.

Critics and the public attacked the early work of Édouard Manet. He painted ordinary working people with loose,sketchy brush strokes and simplified details, which was innovative and radical for the time.Manet’s work was ridiculed when exhibited in private galleries. The Paris Salon consistently rejected his work.

When Manet wanted to exhibit at the Paris World’s Fair,no one was interested. But he didn’t adapt his work to make it more acceptable;he simply built his own pavilion and put on his own exhibition.

When his painting Olympia was finally accepted by the Salon, the public jeered and spatat it. Critics savaged it. Caricatures appeared in newspapers. He carried on regardless. His belief in himself was unshaken.

In later years Manet was vindicated when the Impressionists came to revere him as the pivotal figure in the transition from Realism to Impressionism, and he finally gained the recognition he deserved.

He didn’t let the critics change his mind, he changed theirs.

If you are an actor, produce a play and cast yourself.

If you’re a writer, publish your own book.

If you’re in a rock band, record and distribute your own CD.

You have to believe in yourself and your work. If you don’t, how can you expect anyone else to?

There will always be tough times. There will always be critics.

Something has to carry you through the difficult times. It can only be your inner belief in yourself. Happiness is not an absence of problems, but the determination to deal with them.

Change your  Mind – 52 Ways to unlock your creative self
– Rod Judskin
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When A Goal Doesn’t Come To Fruition Soon Enough

They say that anything can happen, and a goal, no matter what it is will be brought to fruition sooner or later, it just takes time. I happen to be one of those people. I’ve personally experienced it many times, where I’ve set my mind to achieve something and within days, weeks or months I’ve already accomplished it. This is no different than anything you’ve already achieved. Nothing can be brought to fruition without the initial thought of accomplishing it.

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The truth is; anything can happen if you believe in it. It will come to you if you stick to your belief and never sway in the opposite direction. But if you allow the negativity around you to overcome your ambition you simply will NOT accomplish it. Your thoughts are more powerful than you may realize. You must protect them from the negative forces that surrounds your every decision in life.

I understand it can be difficult when something doesn’t happen – something you’ve been expecting to happen, like a goal you’ve been working on for a long time and nothing is happening. Here’s my advice on this.

There are a few reasons perhaps why your goal hasn’t been brought to fruition. Maybe you’ve lost faith in it. After putting your hard efforts into some- thing you’ve believed in for so long, meanwhile failing miserably so many times, in the midst, you lost your faith in your goal. You don’t believe it’s possible anymore.

The second possibility is that negative Karma is weighing you down. Often times over-achievers are also over-deviants; they do more negative things than the average individual because they risk more than the average person. They’re more active in general. And, as you’ve read in my previous entries, doing negative things brings negative Karma. This means your goal may have been put on the slow track to success because of your negative habits in the past. It’s possible your negative Karma is keeping you from achieving it.

When a goal doesn’t come to fruition soon enough chalk it up has bad karma or that you’ve lost faith in your abilities and choose to move forward beyond those limitations. Your goal is worthwhile, otherwise you wouldn’t have set it in the first place. It will come with a little more positive effort and faith. Trust it.

The Truth About Life – Kerry Girling
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HAPPINESS is congruent to your values and beliefs and the decisions you make on a daily basis

Happiness comes and goes based on the quality of people you bring into  it, and by the choices you make each day. You’ll notice that your happiness changes from day to day. Healthier choices and surrounding yourself with more positive people will make you a happier person. 

Nobody is 100% happy all the time. Regardless if you have all the money in the world, if you have healthy children and you’re healthy yourself, or you have the best career possible, there’s still plenty of mishaps and miss-for- tune to experience regardless of where you are in life. During our difficult stages is when happiness is lost because the difficult times harness stress and discomfort. It is during the difficult times when your life clarity starts to unfold. There is actually a lot of positive learning experiences within each of our negative experiences. You just need to search for them. But, who actually searches for the good when bad things happen? Happier people do.

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Most think happiness is only accessible to the elite; the ones with the most power and the most money, or the most materialistic things; when, in actuality, it doesn’t take any of this to become truly happy. Often times, it’s the exact opposite actually. The people with the least become the happiest because they don’t have any materialistic things to break down on them. They’re not in competition with anyone else for more of anything either. As long as you’re healthy and have a positive mindset you have the criteria to fulfil your own happiness.

Happiness is a state of mind. It’s not an external force or something you can buy. It’s something that only comes from within. You have the ability to harness exponential happiness all the time. You just need to decide to open your heart, let go of your frustrations and appreciate what you already have. You will soon start to see what I’m talking about when you realize that even the elite are unhappy people.

Take some time to reflect on your habitual daily choices. Pay attention to how your choices reflect the quality of your life. Write down any activities you do regularly that act as road blocks to achieving happiness. Are you spending too much time pursuing activities incongruent with your happiness? How do these activities reflect your values and beliefs? Are they getting you closer to ideal happiness, or are they standing in your way from achieving the lifestyle you wish for?

Often times we don’t realize we harness an issue until we actually unfold it for ourselves. This exercise takes some deep thinking and brainstorming, but even a slight focus on it will enable you to free yourself from limiting beliefs and habits. Sometimes it only takes a couple of tweaks to pursue a happier life. There’s a good chance you only need to remove a couple incongruent habits or even a slight perspective change to waiver a happier life.

Imagine your daily routine in your mind. Which activities bring happiness? Which ones are straining you from achieving an ideal lifestyle? Write them down. Create a list of the unfavorable activities, and decide to eliminate them one at a time simply by being aware of them.

Chose to let go of what’s been holding you back in life. Most likely it’s an experience that really has no validity in your life anymore. You are an entirely new and dif- ferent person since that very ex-perience. It’s time to let go of your emotional attachment to it.

The Truth About Life – Kerry Girling
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There’s Always Someone Going Through A Lot Worse Than You

Take some time to think about some of the negative things your friends, family and colleagues are going through currently. I’m sure you’ll realize there are people in your direct circle that are going through something a lot worse than your currently experiencing. I know life gets difficult at times but just knowing there’s someone going through a far worse situation makes all the difference sometimes. Life isn’t always positive. There’s ups and downs, trials and triumphs and everything in between. These are pertinent to understanding life and its importance. Each struggle we experience is also an opportunity to make positive change for ourselves. It’s really all about perspective.

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Nothing worthwhile comes without some kind of fight, so strap on your boxing gloves and fight the obstacles standing in your way. Sometimes your biggest obstacle is your own mindset. The quicker you can accept the situation, the easier you can move on with a smile. There always someone going through a more difficult situation than you, no matter what situation you’re going through.

Challenge  yourself today to  eliminate the negativity  that clouds your  mind. When a negative thought pops into your   mind   replace it with a thought the  puts  a  smile on your  face.

The Truth About Life – Kerry Girling
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Being Your Own Best Friend

I have this person who follows me about all day, hurling insults. ‘Idiot!’ she exclaims when I delete the wrong email. ‘No will powers,’ she sneers when, under no pressure at all, I order the extra glass of wine or agree to have the dessert I’d told myself I was going to turn down.

‘Lazybones!’ she shrieks, if I turn over for an extra five minutes in bed. It’s very wearing, this constant undermining barrage of put-downs and curses. Oddly enough, even though she is so severe and critical, she doesn’t succeed in making me modify my behaviour and she certainly doesn’t build up my confidence or make me feel good about myself in any way. And yet I find it very hard to shake her off.

Compare her with my real best friends – and luckily I have quite a few. These wonderful men and women appreciate me when I’ve made an effort to look good, and even tell me I look great when this other person has looked in the mirror in scorn. They tell me I’m doing a great job when this other person has despaired of my ever getting it right. They listen to my woes without agreeing with me (or with this other person) that I have every reason to doubt myself. On the contrary, these lovely people tell me to relax, that I’m being too hard on myself. They remind me of things I have done that worked, of places I’ve been that make me happy. I associate them with good times and bright visions, while this other person only ever reminds me of failures and broken dreams.

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The thing is, this other person is me. She is an agglomerate of all the negative judgements, midnight terrors and critical harshness that I have ever experienced, and then some. And the really mad thing is that she is the one I pay most attention to. When she has control over my brain I can take the kindest compliment, devalue, dismiss and crush it under foot. ‘Oh, you’re only saying that to cheer me up,’ I think. And what, exactly, is wrong with that?

Most of us, unless we are lucky enough to be fantastically optimistic, carry this dark critic inside us. One of the arts of living well is to notice it and turn down the volume. In order to be happy and successful, we need to replace this corrosive onslaught with the kinder voices that offer us patience and encouragement.

Imagine that you are taking care of a small child. Unless you are some Dickensian villain, you do not attack this small child’s confidence with withering criticism. If she spills something, you laugh and say it’s only an accident. You try to minimize her distress. When he does a drawing you find something to love about it. You don’t tell him that his drawing is rubbish, because you know that’s the way to destroy his joy in painting. When she feels shy or unhappy, you cuddle and tease and coax her. Why can’t we behave in this essentially kind way with our own selves?

The dark side of ourselves, this withering inner voice, can be challenged and replaced with something more merciful, more nurturing. If we pay attention to the way we talk to ourselves in private, we can learn to correct the harshness and become our own best friend. This isn’t New Age twaddle, it’s a way of changing the quality of your life. It doesn’t mean that you cease being self-critical – we need to be self-critical in order to improve – but it does mean that we learn sometimes to give ourselves a pat on the back, and that we hold back on the insults.

Think of the kindest person you know, the most encouraging teacher, the most loving mother. That is the voice you want to encourage in your own head. When you make a mess of a task, don’t shout at yourself and hurl insults. Less of the ‘Idiot!’ Would you address a friend like that? Sit back. Tell yourself, without heat, that you haven’t got it right this time, but congratulate yourself for trying.

Then suggest to yourself that you have another go, maybe trying something  differently. Tell yourself that you know you can do it, and gently remind yourself of some past success.

And finally, if you really want to see your inner monster for what it is, take a piece of paper and write down, without pausing to think, all the rude, destructive and negative things you hurl at yourself in your own mind. Would you give houseroom to this person in real life? Of course not. It’s time to get them right out of your head for ever.

Life Lessons – Things I Wish I’d Learned Earlier – Lesley Garner
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The Power of Gratitude

Gratitude is always a good place to start from in the middle of turmoil. It is like a light which you can carry at will from the good places in your life to the dark places. It will illuminate them.

Gratitude begins as an instinctive, unfettered and free-flowing response to the good moments in life. When we are children it begins as a sense of awe and love, before we are taught to say ‘Thank you.’ Then we sometimes find ourselves being made to say ‘Thank you,’ politely, for things we are not at all grateful for, so the sensation and the state get muddled. But you can find gratitude again. Remember the experience of receiving a spoonful of delicious ice-cream, a sip of complex wine, an eyeful of moonlight, the sight of the sea, a tender touch, a helping hand or the clean embrace of your own bed, whether it contains a teddy bear, a lover or simply rest at the end of a long and tiring day. Gratitude, unforced, will overwhelm you.

Remember those moments when you are in a beautiful place, in beautiful light, in beautiful weather, and all the goodness of the world seems to be spread unstintingly before you. You know, in every cell of your body, that it is sensational to be alive. Your whole self expands to receive your good fortune.

Remember those moments when you can hardly believe your luck. You have met someone wonderful who, miraculously, seems to think you are wonderful too. Or you find yourself in the heart of a group of friends, sustained by cheerfulness and good humour, and you think how lucky you are to have them.

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Everyone knows what gratitude is, what the sensation feels like. The trick in
the conscious practice of gratitude is to reach into this emotional store and be grateful on purpose.

In moments of stress and depression it is far easier to follow a damaging practice of ingratitude, resentment, rage and blame. But these obsessive, negative thoughts switch on the chemicals in our bodies which damage our immune system and lead to states of depression and despair. The focus switches from the simple things we have to the innumerable things we don’t have, even though others do. Ironically, the more we have, the more we want. But wise people, from the Buddha to the sociologists who have identified the modern sickness of ‘luxury envy’, know that want and desire can never be satisfied. The things we think we want are actually the sources of our unhappiness.

The trick is to identify this pattern of thought, and change it as soon as it occurs. Reach into your store at moments of trial and despair and apply the transformative balm of gratitude to your open wounds.

It seems impossible. You have real problems. Of course you have, but they won’t be any easier to solve if you focus only on the damage they are doing to you. Negativity, self-pity, complaints are addictive, easy and irresistible. They darken vision so that hope and goodness are invisible. They are also a habit.

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