For most of us, the ideal life is the life we do not lead. Indeed, it’s the life someone else has. In this regard a French proverb proclaims, “What you can’t get is just what suits you.” What makes many of us unhappy even extremely miserable is our unreasonable and false beliefs about how happy others are. We have some strange idea that most people in Western society are happier than us. Yet this is far from being the case. As Joseph Roux surmised, “I look at what I have not and think myself unhappy; others look at what I have and think me happy.”
It’s all too easy to fall into the trap of thinking that practically everyone else has a much easier and happier life than you do. There will always be friends, relatives, neighbors, or celebrities who own bigger houses, drive flashier cars, wear more expensive clothes, work at better jobs, or have more physically attractive lovers. How happy they are is another matter. If they are envious of people who have things that they do not have, they certainly aren’t happy.
Clearly, one of the most important factors for enjoying life to the fullest is having an absence of envy of others. Your envy, in fact, is the satisfaction and happiness that you think others are experiencing but aren’t. Truth be told, many – perhaps most of the individuals we envy aren’t any happier than we are. Even many of the rich and famous don’t deserve our envy. Singer and actress Barbra Streisand revealed, “Oh God, don’t envy me, I have my own pains.”
To envy the rich and famous is rather ill-considered given that many aren’t happy. If you are going to envy anyone, envy the happy poor and the happy disadvantaged of this world. No doubt being happy takes some doing on their part. The core of the matter is that experiencing envy has practically no benefit. Envy is an extremely heavy burden to carry because it breeds contempt and hate. An unknown wise individual once said, “Envy is like acid; it eats away the container that it’s in.”
No matter how hard you try, you can’t be both envious and happy simply because envy is the sidekick of unhappiness. Envy of even one person is a mistake. What’s the point of admiring someone else’s fortunes so much that you become dissatisfied with your own? Comparing your position with that of others can lead to disillusionment and frustration. You will end up unfairly thinking well of others and disliking yourself.
The formula for overcoming the envy of others is not all that complex. Relax and count your blessings more often! At least once a week think about the great things your country offers that other countries don’t. When you feel deprived because someone has something you don’t, keep in mind that billions of people in other countries would gladly trade places with you.
If you haven’t been enjoying life lately, gratitude for what you have will do wonders for your well-being. “Just think how happy you would be,” an unknown wise person declared, “if you lost everything you have right now, and then got it back.” Take the time to appreciate the things you have – your health, your home, your friends, your knowledge, and your creative ability and you won’t have time to be envious of others.
To be happy, you must be grateful for the many things that life has to offer and there are many if you really look. To identify more of the things for which you should be grateful, adopt this idea from Oprah Winfrey: Keep a gratitude journal. At the end of every day count your blessings and write down at least five wonderful things that happened to you that day. Do this long enough and you will have no psychological need to envy others.
Reyflection & Inspiration 