Be loyal

Knowing that your partner is there for you – loyal and trustworthy and 100 per cent for you – is one of the greatest gifts in a relationship and indeed in the whole world. It’s something you give to each other on a constant, unimpeachable basis, and it creates and keeps current a strong,    unquestioning bond of confidence in each other.

Like all the Secrets it’s based on a decision followed by attention. Even when your love is sure and mutually valued,  it’s very possible to forget to back each other up, or to think it funny or clever to disrespect each other. However amusing though, it undermines your respect for them in time and can cause hurt, since pretty soon you won’t be  doing it when you’re alone with your friends, but when you’re both in company. Disloyalty will unsettle your friends anyway for they of course will realize that if you aren’t true to your partner, you certainly won’t be true to them.

Loyalty doesn’t come in half-measures. You are either loyal or you’re not and if you’re not, your partner will feel betrayed and their love for you will be dented. In time these dents intrude into the fabric  of the love you share.

True, trustworthy loyalty on the other hand creates a warm glow between you. It provides a solid foundation for your love and your whole relationship.

It also feels good to be loyal. You’ll respect yourself more as well as your partner. And when you’re loyal your partner will of course know it and it will take only a little thought and determination to return the compliment and be loyal to  you too.

It’s also one of the greatest factors for happiness in family life. Children love their parents to be united. They may try   to play you off against each other, but if you don’t back each other up they will deep down be disappointed. They   want you to be in agreement with each other – however much they try to push the boundaries you set for them, they will actually love the fact that they know you are a mutual support system because then they will feel safe and have confidence in you and your decisions.

It’s a hugely important Secret of happiness in your relationship and a deep love between you that lasts, strong and sure, no matter what’s going on in your  lives.

When you’re with friends without your partner, don’t be tempted to start criticizing him. If your friends are being disparaging about their partners, you can listen quietly or steer them away from negativity. If there’s a problem,    suggest they talk it over with their partners and find a positive and constructive way forward. If they’ve just got into a negative groove of thought, say ‘Hey – let’s not be so negative’ or ‘You know what, we choose to be with them – let’s think of all their good points – there are lots of them’. In other words, encourage them to be loyal – as well as helping them it will make it easier for you to be loyal too. Ensure that you don’t follow suit by criticizing your partner. If    there’s an issue you need help with, best of all talk to your partner calmly and lovingly.  – don’t betray your partner by discussing them with friends who may tell  others.
In company together, remember you’re on the same side – a couple, together because you love each other. This   doesn’t mean, of course, that you’ll always agree about everything. But it does mean that you’ll defend to the hilt your right to think individually and independently of each other and won’t ever challenge or sabotage this right. So be nice    to and about each other and each other’s opinions when you’re in company. It is fine to say you disagree if you’re  asked, but don’t make a big thing of it. Never be nasty and never belittle them. Always show your respect and love in your words and body language. Let everyone know you’re a team and hot on mutual support. It’s comforting and inspiring to relax in the knowledge that your partner is there for you and values you and what you say, even if they    don’t necessarily agree with you. It’s comfortable for those around you too; the only thing worse than hearing   someone criticize their partner in public is hearing them both do   it!
SECRETS OF HAPPY RELATIONSHIPS – 50 Techniques to Stay in Love – Jenny Hare
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